Body & Mind

From a Therapist Desk

Tenille Ademiluyi

Mental Health Therapist

tenilleademiluyi719@gmail.com

Developing Good Communication Skills is Key to Good Mental Health

Become an Active Listner

The ability to communicate effectively in our relationships is a key component of mental health. A mentor of mine once said that to feel heard is to feel loved.  A powerful statement that has stuck with me.  Many things get in the way of effective communication but if we can remember the power of active listening and master just that skill it can be a game changer!   

Active listening is the process of not only hearing but seeking understanding and clarity when someone is speaking.  It requires that we get curious about what someone is saying and reflect on the meaning of their words.  Active listening requires us to be present with the person who is communicating –actually in the room with them, taking in their body language and any emotion that is being conveyed.  It is called active listening because the process is active and takes intention! 

Most communication issues I see with couples and in other relationships involve some form of listening with filters.  The filters can be defense mechanisms, emotional states, hurt, past trauma or low self-esteem.  When a person is unaware of the filters they have on, they can often hear personal attacks and threats in their partner’s communication even when that is not the intention.  Learning to really listen requires that we become aware of our filters and learn to recognize when we are putting them on. Self-awareness is powerful!  When we know we are being triggered by something we can learn to mitigate it.

Exercise to Practice Active listening:

The next time you are in a safe conversation with a partner, friend, family member or coworker try these techniques:

Focus on the person—notice their body language, facial expressions, hand gestures.  There is A LOT going on when people communicate. Most experts agree that 70-93% of all communication is nonverbal!

Pay attention to any filters coming up in you—are you reacting to something the person is saying?  What assumptions are you making about their communication?

If you notice some assumptions, ask questions.  You can ask clarifying questions such as, can you say more about that?  I thought I heard you say “x” is that what you meant?

Finally, let the person know you were actively engaged by summarizing what you think you heard them say.  Give them the opportunity to clarify any misperceptions. 

Practicing these skills can really improve the sense of connection in a relationship!  Leave a comment if you have questions or to let us know your experience if you try active listening with a loved one. Tenille

-Your BODY-

No Excuses!

Struggling to find time for exercise? Here’s a quick solution.

This easy cardio, walk routine is equal to 1 mile or 2,000 steps! Very step tracker friendly. If you like, do it twice and just like that, you’ve got 4000 steps. Plus, it’s super easy!

Another great thing is, you only need a little space. You can literally do this anywhere! I push my chair up to the desk and voila, my workspace just became a gym. So, get up from that desk and get busy taking take a 14-minute self-care break!   -K-

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Help My Neck is Killing Me!

Since you’ve been working from home are you noticing nagging pain in your neck, shoulders and back? Bad posture while at home, working at your computer might be the culprit. When I was commuting to my office in DC, I rarely experienced the kind of neck and shoulder pain I began to have when I started working from home. It made me so curious about why there was such a difference in my comfort levels between my work and home office spaces. What I discovered was  proper ergonomics was part of my organization’s office design. Desks were situated at the right height, and I was shocked when I found out the price tag of those chairs! Let’s just say, it was pricey and way more expensive than I would typically consider spending for my home workspace. But I realized it’s an investment in your physical health and well-being. And that’s something you can’t put a price tag on. Bottomline, the way your body is positioned in front of your computer does matter. If you’re not already aware of this, just give it some time and your body will let you know. You’ll begin noticing neck, shoulder, even back pain that persists for longer periods of time. It’s time to take seriously how we’re sitting at your desks, and what effect it’s having on our body and posture. Most importantly, what can you do to fix it. If you don’t prioritize good body positioning, the cumulative effect of years of sitting for hours in the wrong position could leave you in pain, and just as bad, permanently impact your posture.  It’s not a good look. Especially as we age. Here are tips from an expert to ensure your work space is ergonomically correct and not causing you pain.  -K-

The Many Benefits of

SELF-CARE

Without a doubt, the journey to Wellness starts with Self Care. We don’t do enough of it! You cannot show up others if you don’t have your own health and strength to support them. Self-care is not selfish, which may be completely contrary to the story your mind is telling you. Selfish would be if you left your underage kids or grandkids on their own, to fin for themselves, while you went to the spa for the afternoons. Seriously?! I’m sure no one here would do that.

Self-care can be anything where you’re in a state of relaxation and at the same time, focused on the well-being of either your, mind, body or spirit. Even better if you can engage in something that provides a sense of peace for all three. Truth is, good self-care is an everyday, week by week, process that can start with even the small things you do to show yourself some LOVE!  

When writing about this, I got to thinking about my self-care habits. Here’s a partial list of small everyday things I do to care for this earthly temple God gave me. 

(1)  Prayer and quiet time with God at the start of my day. (If I miss, I feel half full all day. A few minutes in the morning makes all the difference)

(2) Lately, I’ve begun hydrating in the morning with at least 12 ounces of water, water with lemon, or some other healthy liquid.

(3) I usually know in the morning what I’m going to eat that day which helps manage temptations. 

(4) I don’t function well without at least 7hrs of sleep. So, I try to get at least that most nights.

(5) I do 30 minutes of yoga, cardio or other exercise at least five days a week. Which may sound puny to the hard core fitness addicts out there😊 but it seems to work for me.

(6) I’ve previously shared that I have osteoarthritis, so part of my self-care is a monthly medical massage. So Awesome! What a difference it has made!

MY POINT:   Lots of little things done with yourself in mind can add up to Huge Benefits!

-K-

Tips For Better Sleep

Do You Wear a Fitness Tracker?

Wearing a fitness tracker and tracking my steps has been a game changer. Everyday it makes me accountable. Before I started wearing one, I thought I was way more active than I actually was. But my minimum daily goal of 5K steps is harder than it sounds. Like many of you, I’m sitting at a desk most of the day. I’ve discovered that on days I don’t leave the house my numbers are the lowest even when I work out. As a result, sometimes I’ll make a run to Walmart or the grocery store and walk around just to get in some steps.

 The most important thing to remember with a tracker is that it promotes movement, It can take your daily activity to the next level. However, everybody is different. For one person that might mean, a day with 3K steps is a great day, whereas another person (like Richard) can’t be satisfied with anything less than 10K. Although my yoga/stretch workout routine of 30 minutes 5 or 6 days a week doesn’t show me much love on my Fitbit, I do see a huge difference in my numbers on the days I miss that workout.  Good to know! Combining yoga with some cardio is my sweet spot.

Bottomline- Thumbs up on step trackers! In the struggle to do better physically and mentally we need every tool we can find to put in the arsenal. Achieving fitness is really about the combination of a lot of little things working together that add up and make a big difference!

-K-

Strategies for Healthy Living

-Have a Daily Meal Plan-

Begin each day with a healthy meal plan of what you plan to eat. Will it be a light breakfast, maybe some oatmeal, or will you skip breakfast and make lunch your biggest meal of the day? Point being…decide at the start of your day what the plan will be. Yes, it’s challenging to stick with a plan! Somebody will bring donuts to the office or there’s leftover cake from somebody’s birthday. Perhaps you work from home and a treat you have in the freezer keeps calling your name. Expect temptation to show up. Without a plan that you can at least remind yourself about during the day, you’re left to the devices of a miss matched brain stomach connection. Unfortunately, too often, the brain wins with its negative thoughts about how you can’t do it and it doesn’t really matter anyway, so you might as well have dessert. Maybe you do mess up one day and you eat that glazed donut. The brain is quick to jump in and try to convince you that the day is a wrap. You might as well throw in the towel and try again tomorrow. Sound familiar? Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. Don’t let one mistake derail you! Deal with it by adjusting the type and quantity of your next meal.

Having a meal plan for the day sets you up for success. Writing it down is best but you can also remember it in your head. The work comes in finding the discipline to stick with it and resist temptation. It’s a one day at a time situation. But the more accustomed you get to sticking with your plan the easier it becomes, and that negative voice in your head gets quiet. If you don’t already do daily planning, give it a try for a few weeks and let us know your results.

-K-

 
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Great Tips on On How to Age Well that Apply to Both Women and Men!

(for the list of tips skip to 6:47)

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. Anything posted in this blog is completely based on my personal opinion and experience.

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-Your MIND-

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It’s Okay Not to be Okay
-get the help you need-

When it Comes to Therapist, One Size Doesn’t Always Fit All!

Body/Mind question(s):

What’s working for you in achieving your healthy lifestyle goals?

(comment below)

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